I can hardly believe it. I’ve made it through one year! Another year seems so long, yet I know it’s not enough time to do all that I want to do.
It’s good to be back again. I was initially wary about coming back, but once I saw my counterpart, the youths, and the babies, I was content. A part of me was still saddened, because I had lost my best youth who was my best friend (for a good cause though! like nursing school) and my other confidant/tutor/friend who was a teacher at the mission (also for a good cause! like teaching at another school). It seems that everytime I befriend someone, he or she leaves me for a better cause.
I’ve only been back at my site for one week before having to take off again for another 2-week trip. This time, it’s not pleasure. After attending a few Peace Corps demos and a really early 4th of July celebration at the Ambassador’s house, I’ll be back at my old training ground for our Mid Service Training and meeting the new health group. I can’t believe I was in their shoes just a year ago. It literally seemed like it was just yesterday (I still remember that sense of bewilderment very well, or maybe it’s just because I still feel it.)
After cleaning up my cat’s potty messes and taking cold baths due to lack of electricity, I got to thinking about my projects again… and that was when the waves of doubts started hitting me. There were a few issues.
As some of you may know, I was helping my church (in Malawi) raise money for their new church building, and I was enthusiastic about helping them. But when the time came to buy the materials, I started wondering if I really was doing the right thing. After thinking about it some more, I decided that I am. The church had been raising funds for the last 7 years and all I (and other gracious donors) did was to help cover the roofing portion.
Then I started wondering if I should also be writing this proposal for a shelter. After a youth suggested for a permanent shelter to use (we’ve been using an assembly hall that’s not always available), I discussed with my medical in-charge and counterpart, who also suggested that the shelter be used as an under-five clinic. Technically, all health centers are supposed to have a shelter where mothers and children can wait and be weighed, but mine lacked one because it was part of a private clinic. Initially, I was excited at the thought of a shelter for the youths and children, but when I came back and learned of the low attendance in our youth club, I started doubting. It was when I went to my youth club on Friday that I remembered how much I enjoyed their company and appreciated the great things they’re doing, no matter how slow they’re going or how few they are. I still have my doubts, but I try to remember of my love for the youths and children. Even if the youth club completely falls apart with not a person left, at least I know there will always be children and mothers in need of vaccination to use and appreciate the shelter come rain or sun.
I guess in the long run, I want to make sure that I’m not being more detrimental to my community by letting them think that we foreigners have the money and the solution to all their problems. I don’t want to take away the “sustainability” of their own skills and resources. The moment I cross that line and do their job for them is the moment I’ll know that I have failed my job as a Peace Corps Volunteer.
But until my next update, let’s hope I can still do something right! J
Tiwonana,
Elaine
